Random Death Note Fan Fic
by mecani
Summary: I just found out... i might've spelt Ryuk's name wrong. A random girl named Jessie goes into the death note world. and she turns out to be Light's biggest fan! Bigger than Misa. Mat and Mello find their love with choco cookies and Near and L appear randomly throughout the story. Light's sweat father walks in, drunk. and Ryuk ends up being obese and falling on teh floor. have fun.


**_Hi. New here. Just wanted to say.. since I am new here. Do not judge xD_**

**_this fan fiction will be... most likely horrible. .-._**

**_Plus they will be OOC at some points. If you are like me and you had to look up OOC.. i'll save you the trouble and it means out of character. o (I'm stupid and had to look it up.) D:_**

**_Plus I'm going to add a random character in. A girl named Jessie has entered the world and is one of Light's biggest fans. Bigger than Misa. But at the same time she hates him, and pretty much is a total bitch xD_**

**_Oh yeah.. Er. I don't really hate L.. I just thought it would be funny if Jessie hated him. I actually love him though 3_**

**_We start this random chapter with a stalker near Light, and the fact that she is freaking crazy.. So Light, who is really freaked out by the girl, is.. Scared._**

* * *

"So.. Light. How are you today?" a random girl, that Light did not know asked.

"I'm doing fine I guess." Light lifted his eyebrow in confusion.

"Fabulous!" The girl scooted closer to Light and touched his arm. "Not that you care but I'm doing great as well."

"Nice to know." Light scooted away and then stared at the girl.

"LIGHT!" Misa ran in and pushed the girl out of the way.

"Misa you saved me!" Light cheered.

"I thought you said I was in the way though?" Misa tilted her head to the side thinking.

"Not today you sav-"

"MOVE!" The girl pushed Misa completely out of the way, flipping her off.

"LIGHT!?"

"Who the hell are you anyway!?"

"Jessie. Your biggest fan." She smiled.

"I don't even know you!" Light ran towards his door and tried to open it.

"Heh heh.. It's locked." Jessie evilly rubbed her hands together.

"There's no lock on it though. Dad took it off..." Light looked down at the handle and then noticed something. "Where's the door handle!?"

"I jerked it off."

"Where's the hole from where it was?"

"I put a ball inside it."

Light, being mad, pushed the door to see if it would open. "Why won't it open." Light smacked his head on the door and sighed.

"Hey 9 inch, is this the legendary Death Note..?"

"9 inch..?" Light turned around.

"9 inch!?" Misa gasped and then looked down. "I thought that Light owned a ruler with 12 inches like all the other rulers..."

"Moron! Obviously not a ruler! His-"

"MISA!" Light grabbed onto her and he fell to his knees. Then slowly whispering to her he pulled her close. "Misa darling, don't you see..? This girl here is trying to get in the way of our love.."

"Really!? She seems nice to me." Misa, yelling, was rather cheerful.

"So anyone's name I write should die unless I don't have the person's face in my mind while writing it. And people with the same name should not be affected.. 40 seconds to write the cause of death.. Heart attack.. Details.. 6 minutes and 40 seconds.." Jessie skimmed over the rules.

"She's smarter than she looks." Light stood up pushing Misa away from him.

"You're just saying that."

"No really, you need-"

"A red tie." Jessie rose her eyes smiling.

"What? I was gonna say glasses. What the hell do you mean red tie?"

"Red ties make people look smart."

"No glasses and a masters degree makes people look smart."

"A masters degree in red tie wearing." Jessie smiled.

"I think I'm in love with you and your cleverness."

"OH HELL NO BITCH!" Misa stood up snapping her fingers. "No one steals my Light bitch!"

"Misa let her live. She could do some good with helping me take over the world."

"Hey Light your last name backwards says that you're a gay."

"Kill her." Light frowned and pointed.

"Waaaiittt~!" Ryuuk, who got rather fat from eating apples, slowly, but surely, flew up.

"Ryuuk! Leave us alone! I'm trying to kill this girl!"

"But she has the dea-" Ryuuk started to talk but then started to punch his chest making heaving noises. "Sh-sh-sheee." then he fell to the ground.

"Heh heh debu." Jessie snickered and then looked directly at Light.

"Give the book."

"To whom Light?"

"Him." Light pointed to his closet.

"What are you talking about." Jessie walked up to the closest and slid the door open. "A TROLL!"

"THE LIGHT!" the 'troll' went to the corner of the closet.

"Who is that?" Misa's eyebrows rose.

"I'm tired of this world. Let L have it."

"L!?" Misa flipped out of her seat. "But Light I thought you said L was the bad guy.

L creeped out of the closet and then stood up (not an actual stand though.. You guys know.. That slouch he does) "Technically Light-kun's the bad guy."

"I'm the main character! Plus I am the main reason for the story to go on! Without me the story ends!"

"Then how come the world lives without you after your death!?"

"What death!?"

"Dude, have you not seen the ending to Death Note." Jessie looked at Light.

"Nah. I stopped watching when L died. Cause then I succeeded in the plan."

"Of course. Guys with ties never do anything correct. I thought you would be different with the tie being red and all."

"What the heck.. It's just a tie."

"It makes you look sexy!" Misa pointed out.

"Ew.." Light ripped it off. "I don't want to be a ladies man!" Then Light picked up a tie no one would expect...

DUN DUN!

My little pony

"NO!" L screamed from the horror.

"MY EYES!" Misa fell to the ground crying.

"I don't know.. I think it's kinda hawt." Jessie winked. "Ya know since Pinkie Pie is on it."

"Light! Cookies!" Light's mom screamed.

"COOOOOKKIIIEEESSS!" L happily smiled and pushed ever one away and then touched the door ever so slightly and then through it open.

"He can open the door...?"

"Wimp." Jessie chased after L.

"Light... Why won't you get rid of her..?" Misa grabbed onto Light's arm.

"I don't know. She's idiotic." Light started down the stairs.

"And who are you?" Lights mom looked at Jessie.

"I'm the on who stole your son's virginity." Jessie nodded confidently.

"Ah. Get out."

"What the hell..?" Light sat down then everyone noticed Light's expression. Pure hatred. "THESE! ARE! CHOCOLATE! CHIP!" Light flipped the table. "I! WANTED! SUGAR COOKIES!"

"Light, sweetie, I ran out of those."

"SUGAR COOKIES!" Light bawled and then fell on the floor.

"Stop being a baby..."

"I think they are **_delightful_**." L chomped on the cookies, even though they have been on the floor with the rats and three other random kids.

"No I think they are the best in the world." a random blonde said.

"Mello you're gonna get fat." the red headed boy with goggles said turning away.

"Yeah fatty leave some chocolate for the rest of us." the white haired boy slapped the so called boy named Mello across the face.

"NEAR! DO IT AGAIN!" Mello snapped back.

"Fatteh!"

"Shut up Near! And you!" Mello turned towards the red head. "All you do is sit on your ass and play video games while smoking. So shut your face Matt!"

"Ooo! I'm so scared! I can kick your ass dude let's go!"

"No you can't.. You smoke so you have no energy." Near flicked Matt.

"I can.." Matt had stood up but then he had to sit back down. "I'm-... I'm... Out of breath.." Matt sat back down and then lied straight down. "Sorry Mello.."

"It's fine baby. Let's share a cookie." Mello climbed on top of Matt and put a cookie in Matt's mouth then put his mouth on the other side.

"Seriously? Right here at the table?" L frowned.

"No shush! I don't get to see this everyday!" Jessie quickly put her finger over L's mouth. "Hushity hush hush."

"So Light. How's school.. Now that you have stopped rampaging."

"Boring." Light sat down like a fatty and then sighed.

"You love school though."

"No mom. No one likes school. Not even teachers like school. They just complain.." Light puckered his lips and then made a motorboat noise.

"I'm going to go see your sister.. Okay Light?" Misa ran up the stairs.

"Sure." Light leaned forward a little then looked over seeing Jessie writing in the death note, in front of **_everybody_**. "What the L?!"

"What the L?" L looked over at Light.

"Ya know like hell except drop most of the letters."

"Retard..." Jessie snickered and then looked up. "So.. L."

"Hm..?"

"It's kinda weird that your parents would name you L Lawliet."

"What point are you trying to make?" L thought for a second then done his slouched stand up thing. "Are you saying that my parents are truly smart. No one would ever know that I was giving my name the **whole** time." L smiled a little.

"No I was saying that you are-"

"STUPID!" Light jumped in.

"Light-kun.. Pause your menstrual cycle. What are you saying I am Jessie?" Light tilted his head a little.

"You're a weirdo."

Shocked, L backed up and fell on the ground. "I always thought you were awesome." Near smiled, picking a cookie up.

"Are you guys just gonna keep those on the floor..?" Jessie frowned.

"They were protected by this plastic stuff. So.. They're safe." Near picked up another cookie and started nomming on them.

"You think I'm-"

"A weirdo?"

"Yes...?"

"No. Just your name.. And parents."

"You're the weird one!" L had stood up, fully. "MY HIP!" He grabbed it and then collapsed into the nearest chair.

"Weird old man." Jessie shrugged and then turned around. "So Light! Is there anyone I can kill for you." Jessie gleamed with shininess around her.

"Mom.. I'd like to be took out of school."

"I'd still come over for ya baby." Jessie winked.

"Rapist. Stay away." Light got on the counter and started making hissing noises.

"Hunnyy..." A **_really_** sweat man walked in. "Oh Light's being a cat again. And the trolling weirdos have come downstairs." he wiped away sweat.

"Dad.. Are you drunk..?" Light asked. Light's mom, decided to go do laundry so she pretty much doesn't care.

"Of course I am!"

"Why..?"

"I have hard work son. I still haven't figured out who this mysterious Kira is." the sweaty man wiped more sweat off and looked over to Light.

Suddenly a face palm was given, by everyone.

"Stupid..." Jessie snickered.

"You. You.. You you you you.. I need to sit down." Light's father pushed L out of the chair and sat down. "You young lady."

"Perv." Was all Jessie said and then she drug Light upstairs.

"You're the perv. Locking me in my room with a person like you."

"So! You like L." Jessie nodded upwards making smoochy faces.

"Of course not. That's gross."

"You rubbed his feet."

"So?"

"You're the woman in the relationship."

"What!?"

"I knew it! You go on top!"

"Women actually-"

"Not guy on guy though! The one on top-"

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" L was right outside the door, then he frowned and walked in.

"Nice to know. But guess what! I hear that the ABC's are you looking for you."

"What?"

" Z. See! No L. Now go find A and B and they will take you to alphabet street."

"Haha truly hilarious." L sarcastically sighed.

"Yep I know. Unlike you."

"You're such a woman."

"EXCUSE ME!?"

"You heard me."

"What the hell are you talking about bitch?!"

"Are you on your menstrual cycle just like Light here?"

"I told you you were the woman."

"Shut up!" Light shouted.

"Stupids.." Near had suddenly appeared in the room.

"Near go away!" L shouted.

"What's this...?" Near snatched the Death Note from Jessie's hands and glanced at it.

"He has the death note." L smiled.

"Dear diary, this is the death note and I would like to say that L is a retard. Plus his last name is stupid, Lawliet. Pretty stupid if you ask me. Just saying though I would take him to dinner." Near read aloud.

"I didn't write that!" Light snatched the Death Note back and blushed.

"You would take me to dinner?" L looked at Light.

"Y-yeah.. But as a friend." Light looked at the Death Note.

"That's so sweet!" L smiled cheerfully.

"Well obviously this didn't go as I planned. So I'm going to get done with this random chapter.. Maybe more randomness next chapter... If I do one.." Jessie looked at a random television.

"Who're you talking to..?" Matt randomly appeared.

"Baby we are on national television. And we done stuff." Mello winked looking at his dear Mattie.

"This was stupid anyway." L looked away and then at the television. "Wait so they know what I look like?"

"Everyone that has heard of Death Note does idiot." Jessie sighed.

"How do they know!? I'm supposed to be secret!"

"Obviously you're not if everyone knows your name and exactly what you look like."

"What the hell!?" L stomped off.

"You said it didn't turn out like you wanted it to.. How did you want it to turn out..?" Near twirled his hair.

"I wanted to see if L and Light would do it.."

"You're sick!" Light blushed screaming.

"You're the one wanting it." Jessie looked at the t.v. again.

"Stop that! No one's reading or watching this!"

"Obviously no one is watching it, idiot.. It's a fan fiction."

"Fan fiction's can be filmed." Light bieber-flipped his hair.

"Stupid... Fan fictions are words.."

"So!? Movies start out as words!"

"Are you saying you want to film this!?"

"No!"

"Then shut up then go find L and give him a blow-"

"Bye mom." Matt laughed right before he turned the television off.


End file.
